To Unfriend Or Not? That Is The Question.
I had to unfriend a couple of people on Facebook recently. It wasn’t done out of meanness, it was just something that needed to be done. These people aren’t “real’ friends. They were Facebook friends. And now, they’re unfriended Facebook friends.
Why did I unfriend?
Let me explain. I don’t have thousands of Facebook friends, just around 900. A large percentage of the 900 are people who are in the same business opportunity as me. They are not personal friends, they are business associates. I don’t have a problem with them as business associates. I have a problem with the material that some of them post, outside of our shared Facebook group.
Of course, everyone has the right to post whatever they want to (within Facebook guidelines) on their own wall. I have the same right to not have that same content appear in my newsfeed. So you might be asking, why don’t I just block the person, do I really need to unfriend them? Good question! I could block them, but why do I really need to retain them as friends?
The book I’m currently reading is 7 Strategies for Wealth & Happiness by Jim Rohn. It’s a good book and I am incredibly inspired by Mr. Rohn’s words. One of the wealth and happiness strategies discussed in the book is association. According to Mr. Rohn “One of the major influences shaping the person you want to be is also one of the least understood. It is your association with others – the people you allow into your life.” This strategy should not be taken lightly. If we are not associating with positive people, then we need to unfriend them.
Do you need to unfriend someone?
Are there people in your life who make fun of or belittle your dreams? Do you know someone who constantly make negative comments about something that you think is important? Are they stealing your joy? Then disassociate yourself from these people. In Facebook terms, you need to unfriend them.
I am going to surround myself with winners. Positive, like minded people who lift me up instead of bringing me down. If I see someone posting a lot of negative comments regardless of the subject matter, then they’re headed for the unfriend list.
I have to wonder what is going through the minds of those who post a lot of negative content on Facebook. Some of them have thousands of Facebook friends. These are the same people who post often about our business opportunity, because they are looking for others to join their teams. Who would be drawn to someone who posts a lot of negative content on Facebook? I wouldn’t find that attractive, and certainly wouldn’t think that is someone I want to work with, but that’s just me.
So I am in unfriend mode. Not just on Facebook, but real life too. It’s time for Negative Nelly (and Ned!) to take a backseat. I hope this post doesn’t come across as mean, because it really isn’t meant to be. I have seen the effect that someone who is negative in nature can have on someone who is going after their dreams. I would hate for a person to give up on their dreams because they are associated with people who contribute nothing to their mindset. I wrote a post about having the right mindset. You can find it here.
I would love to hear your thoughts on this post. Is unfriending too extreme or reasonable? Have you had to unfriend someone on Facebook or in your life? Please share your thoughts below.
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Jamella!
I recently just wrote something like this on my blog! Ahahaha. Anyways, to answer your question – unfriending someone is NOT extreme. Why? Because why should you worry about someone who you don’t like. By unfriending them you have a less likely chance of seeing them pop up on your newsfeed.
Stray away and focus on the people who are cool/amazing/love you. Is it really that simple? Yes. Is it easy to implement? Not really. Why? Because (I don’t know what’s up with humans) – but I feel we have this need to be liked by everyone and anyone. And, by unfriending we are not losing a FB friend but we are losing someone that could potentially ruin us (reputation).
This is what I think. (:
Jonathan Gaurano recently posted..How To Unfriend And Block Someone On Facebook
Twitter: jonathangaurano
Hey Jonathan!
I will have to head over to your blog to check out your post. Apparently, great minds think alike! I can’t say that I dislike the people I unfriended. I disliked the content they were posting on their page. It was very negative. So, I had to unfriend them. I will probably meet them in person when our company has a convention this summer. If they ask me what happened, I will tell them. And that’s that!
Thanks for stopping by and please come back again soon.
Hahahaha! Hilarious! (: I’ll be back soon!
Jonathan Gaurano recently posted..While You Matter – Part 1
Twitter: jonathangaurano
Glad I made you laugh Jonathan!
Until next time.
Hi Jamella,
For Facebook, I don’t really mind friends who I don’t know unless I write something really personal that I want to share with friends or the person is being annoying.
However, in real life, I definitely agree on unfriending people who are negative and affect your dreams. The point is…you don’t need them in your life.
We all want to be happy and we all want to be successful with our goals. Negative people rip these away from you.
The more positive people you have around you, the happier you are and the more progress you will make.
Oh and in my textbook, unfriending someone doesn’t mean hate them. Just keep them away when possible
Alan Cheng recently posted..How Do You Sell Online?
Hi Alan,
Negative people definitely have an impact on our mindsets, which impacts whether or not we achieve our goals. I am making a conscious effort to surround myself with positive, like minded people. I don’t hate the ones I’ve unfriended, they just can’t be a part of my life.
Thanks for stopping by and please come back again soon.
Hey Jamela,
to unfriend people is not such a bad thing. I’ve unfriend a few because, of their content.
Easther recently posted..Increase web traffic Cheaply and Effectively: 11 Virtually Easy Ways
Hi Easther,
Good to know that others are being unfriended because of their content.
Welcome to my blog and please come back again soon.
Hi Jamella,
Good content. I never hesitate to unfriend people that are frankly a nuisance to my facebook and they’re just not in the same sphere when it comes to goals business etc.
Great post
Kareem Maghrabi recently posted..MLM Sponsoring Techniques That Work
Hi Kareem,
I love your comment.
You are so right, these people are not in the same sphere when it comes to our business goals. Time to move on to others with the same focus and mindset.
Thanks for your kind words. Please visit again soon.
Hey Jamella,
Some of them use it while others don’t. It’s part of life 
Unfriending is a choice..we all have that right in every area of life and nobody is the real judge but ourselves. If this is the best choice we can take to make room for other good things then so be it. However, I like to keep a note of respect for everybody, no matter if they are spammers, whinners etc.They are still human beings with the same unlimited potential like our
Thanks for sharing your perspective Jamella.
All the best,
Radu
Radu recently posted..Blog Content Ideas: 40 Simple Ways To Never Run Dry
Hi Radu,
I have to say that in general, I respect most people, I just don’t respect some of their words and actions. So in this case, I made a decision to remove them as Facebook friends. I certainly hope at some point, they focus their energy on more positive activities.
Welcome to my blog! Thanks for stopping by, and please come back again soon.
HI Jamella, I agree wholeheartedly. I also unfriend on FB if I constantly get Farmville, Cityville, Mafiaville… etc.
I will admit this isn’t ‘negative’ but it’s not something I’m into and if they don’t heed my requests not to have my page filled with these types of irritations, then a simple ‘click’ will do the trick!
As far as negativity… who needs it? I unfriend in real life too. I don’t need someone to drain my energy.
Good for you. And… no it’s not mean.
Best
Jayne
Jayne Kopp recently posted..The Key to Success is all About the Decisions You Make
Hi Jayne,
Don’t get me started on the game requests!!!! I used to play Mafia Wars a couple of years ago, but don’t anymore. I have seen other friends post for others to stop sending game requests. I may do likewise.
I like your phrase – a simple click will do the trick!
Life is too short to deal with negative people and they are definitely a drain.
Thanks for stopping by and sharing.
Until next time.
Hey Jamella, for me I usually unfollow people more readily than I unfriend them. Perhaps its because I have so many more people on Twitter than I do as Facebook friends. I don’t think of myself as a prude by any means, but I just don’t need people tweeting about “Bit#$es and Hoes” LOL I understand people sometimes feel the need to express themselves using harsh, or swear words but if that is the general theme of their twitter account I’d just as soon not have to listen to it. I find people on Facebook a little bit more selective in what they say, but I have had to unfriend a few people who have turned “strange” on me! LOL
It’s your Facebook and I think YOU get the right to be selective in who you include in YOUR circle!
PS. Tried to RT using both methods in the post, but received errors using both. Here is the msg from one of them.
Sorry, something went wrong.
Small_robot The provided callback url http://jamellasblog.com/to-unfriend-or-not-that-is-the-question/ is not authorized for the client registered to ‘http://www.jamellasblog.com
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Hey Warren,
I don’t think anyone needs people tweeting about Bit#$es and Ho$s! I find it sad that so many refer to females in that way. You’re right, most people on Facebook are a bit more selective, but sometimes, as you’ve noticed, some of them turn strange.
Thanks for the heads up regarding the RT. I will look into it.
Glad to see you here again, and please come back again soon.
Hi Jamella,
No, you don’t come across as negative. Sometimes it needs to be done. I unfriended someone recently who added me to some strange group without asking me first. Then when I looked at the group wall it was covered with offensive pictures. I immediately removed myself from the group and that person from my friends list.
Take care!
Stacy
Stacy recently posted..Interview with Steven Aitchison from Change Your Thoughts
Hi Stacy,
Glad to hear that I’m not coming across as negative. Thank you!
I really don’t like being added to Facebook groups without being asked beforehand. I don’t understand why people do that. Common courtesy dictates that someone would get permission before doing something like that, but common courtesy is lacking these days, isn’t it?
Thanks for stopping by. Until next time.
Hi Jamella-
Well first of all it’s good to have not been “unfriended’, or I would have never gotten the chance to read this. I agree that there are people who need to be removed from our FB lives as well as our real lives. I usually don’t go so far as unfriending them, but I do block people often. I cannot stand negativity. I also have younger relatives who are sometimes so inappropriate that I would rather the things that they say not be on my page.
Maybe your post will push me to the next level and I will move from blocking to unfriending.
Hi Tracy!!
Good to see you here.
I’m pretty sure you know I would never unfriend you. Notice my post said that those who were unfriended weren’t real friends, they were Facebook friends. You are a real friend. I doubt you would post a lot of negative things, and if you did I would tell you.
What are we going to do with our younger relatives?! Some of their posts are quite shocking. All I can do is shake my head, and have a word with them when I see them in person.
Thanks so much for visiting my blog and for sharing. I really appreciate it. Come back again soon!
Jamella,
I’ve unfriended two people on FB, one just the other day actually. The first one made me sad because he was a friend from high school. At first, I enjoyed what he shared and the comments he made on my posts. But after a while, I started to notice that all of his comments were conveying the fact that he simply didn’t like who he thought I was… and he wanted me to change. I decided I didn’t need that nonsense and unfriended him. I was sad for a while, but I don’t miss him now (and it’s been 5 years)
Then the other day, I unfriended a business associate, actually my upline in a program that I purchased 6 years ago. I’ve never met him personally and up until recently respected him greatly. But over the last couple of months, as political issues have become hot topics, he’s shared more and more of his personal religious beliefs on FB — and not just on his own posts, but on comments on other people’s posts, including mine. I’m friends with people of many different faiths so have no issue with that. What I DO have issue with is people who feel compelled to try to convince everyone else how right they are… especially when that rightness entails a very rigid interpretation.
There’s only so many minutes that we are given to live and they are precious. Like you, I’ve decided that I only want to share them with people who build me up and help me to feel positive and hopeful about the world. Thanks for sharing your unfriending story.
Hi Lesa,
Sounds like you did the right thing by unfriending that particular friend. How rude of him to make comments suggesting that he didn’t like you. Good riddance to him!
The political season has definitely stirred up a lot of activity. I have no problem with people belonging to different parties and supporting their candidates. What I will not tolerate is the constant bashing of someone just because they have different politics. And if someone is continually posting negative comments and items that just aren’t true, they are going to be unfriended.
I agree with you 100% about people posting their religious beliefs on someone else’s post. Do they really think they’re going to convert people by making those posts? Facebook isn’t the place for that behavior and I, like you, won’t tolerate it.
Thanks for stopping by. Please come again soon!
Bravo to you Jamella…
Not only have I gotten my FB friends down to a little over 800 but about six years ago I unfriended my best friend of 27 years. A year later I did the same with someone who had been in my life for 25 years.
I gave them the benefit of the doubt for way too long and I had a couple of wake up calls I guess you could say. I had a long talk with myself before making that final decision and I have never looked back and never regretted that decision.
Since that time I’ve done it to several other people as well and although they call me harsh and cruel, I call them energy drainers and crutch seekers. They depended on me to always lift them up when they weren’t willing to do it themselves. Call me what you want but I sleep very good at night.
I congratulate you for doing this Jamella because a lot of people won’t. They’ll continue to let people mistreat them and keep all that negative energy around them just so they don’t hurt anyone’s feelings. Not me and it sounds like not you either.
That’s not being mean or cruel, that’s living your life your way and I commend you for that.
Wonderful message Jamella.
~Adrienne
Adrienne recently posted..How To Get Others To Build Your Links
Twitter: adriennesmith40
Thanks Adrienne!
Wow, you unfriended your best friend of 27 years? Now that is brave. I’m sure you had a good reason, if not several.
It is not harsh and cruel to no longer associate people who you correctly label as energy drainers. It’s not your responsibility to continually lift them up. What are they doing for themselves? Enough is enough!
I no longer associate with a first cousin of mine. She is abusive towards her mother, who is my aunt. Her children are abusive to her mother, she is constantly scheming to get things from people, and I finally said that’s it. My mother wasn’t too happy about it, but she has limited interactions with this person as well now. Just because someone is family, doesn’t mean we have to accept them or their actions. Again, enough is enough.
Thanks so much for your kind words. I appreciate them.
Until next time.
Jamella,
I am in agreement with you that we need to be careful who we let influence us. If an association is hurting us or not helping us then we can and should disassociate from the source. It can sound cold to disassociate, but is it any better for anyone to suffer negativity just to protect warm fizzles? If you don’t protect your boundaries no one else will.
~Becca
Rebecca Reddy recently posted..How To Strike Out On Your Own
Hi Becca,
You’re right, we must protect our boundaries. If we continue to associate with negative thinking people, sooner or later this will impact our subconscious and have a negative impact on our thoughts as well.
Thanks for stopping by and please come again soon.
Negativity begets negativity Jamella! Thanks for a very needed post. I too see so much negativity on FB and in real life and “who needs it?” I am very selective when it comes to accepting Friends and Followers. If I don’t like their little bio description, I ignore them.
Congrats on the housecleaning!
Val Heisey recently posted..The value in company leadership training – success breed success
Twitter: valheisey
Hi Val,
You are so right and very welcome! I don’t know what’s going on with people posting and sharing so much negativity. They must not be very happy people. Everyone has problems, but there is no need to spew negative thoughts and share them with everyone. I am going to be more selective from now on. I’ve learned my lesson.
I’m sure there is more housecleaning to come!
Until next time.
It’s definitely important to weed out certain people in our lives. It’s easier to do on Facebook. For some people I’ve had to hide all their status updates or just unfriend them. The were always so negative about politics or complaining about their lives. Stuff that clutters my news feed and isn’t what I want!
I believe it was Jim Rohn that said we are the average of the five people we spend the most time with. He could look at your five friends and could tell you the type of person you were. Often we don’t realize how much our friend influence us because it slowly creeps up on us. If your friend are always gossiping and complain, you’re going to do the same. If your friends are always order fried and unhealthy foods when you go out to eat, you’ll probably do the same.
So unfriending FB friends and real life friends is important.
Benny recently posted..Don’t Follow This Lesson and See What Will Happen
Hey Benny,
It is definitely easier to unfriend someone on Facebook, as opposed to real life.
Clutter is a good word for the content that shows in our news feed from our negative friends. I used to block those people, but now I’m unfriending them totally.
That is a powerful statement that you shared from Jim Rohn. I believe it’s true. That’s why it’s so important for us to surround ourselves with positive, like minded people. Not just on Facebook, in real life as well.
Thanks for sharing and I hope to see you here again soon.
Amen Jamella!
I write a post sometimes back about 10 awesome ways to ruin your reputation on facebook. Writing on people’s wall is one of them.
Personally I dont care how great what you have is, dont come advertise it on my wall. it’s just rude.
We should guard our hearts with all diligence.
Thanks for sharing!
Tosin
Tosin recently posted..MLM Business: Why You MUST Consider Marketing Online
Hey Tosin,
Don’t get me started on the people who put spam on my wall!! As you say, it is just rude. I would love to read your post about 10 awesome ways to ruin your reputation on Facebook. Then I will share it with those people who keep spamming my wall.
Until next time.
I find Jim Rohn’s words very inspiring as well Jamella.
I like how you brought up this point about keeping negative peeps out of our lives.
I do that with my real life circle of friends, but for some reason I let my standards slip a little on facebook.
Now I will be much more aware of what I ma letting into my daily life through social media as well.
Thanks Jamella!
Hi Preston,
Jim Rohn’s teachings are awesome, aren’t they? Good job on keeping the negative people out of your real life circle of friends. I think this is actually harder to do than on Facebook. On Facebook, we can unfriend someone with a simple click. Not so easy with real people, right?!
Thanks for stopping by. Good to see you here again.
Jamella,
Great post, and I love to hear that you are reading Jim Rohn. He is an inspiration to us all. I also love your words about unfriending. I have been thinking about this a lot as well, but honestly, most of my FB friends are actually true friends. I am just now starting to have business associates join….but on the same token, they are true friends as well. It is important to make sure you actually enrich those relationships you have, whether they are on FB or not. Thanks again for all the good content. Take care.
Tim
Hi Tim,
Reading Jim Rohn has definitely been inspirational for me. I can’t wait to learn more from him!
If the majority of my Facebook friends were real life friends, I don’t think I would be having this issue. The people who were unfriended are business associates that I’ve never met face to face. We are still part of a couple of Facebook groups that were created for our business so I still have contact with them. I just am not tolerating their personal posts in my news feed.
Welcome to my blog! I hope you come back to visit again soon.
That’s easy for me.
Unfriend.
I have no tolerance for stinkin’ thinkin’ or people who waste my time.
Am I bad?
Terry Petrovick recently posted..How to Have Persistence in a Home Based Business
Hey Terry,
I am laughing after reading your comment. You are not bad, I agree with you 100%. The stinkin’ thinkin’ has got to go!
Thanks for making me laugh. Good to see you here again.
Great post, Jamella! And very relevant to these “click click” times. I have no qualms about unfriending someone if I don’t really “connect” with ‘em.
Clutter comes in many forms. These days, it can take the form of “junk” friends on facebook and twitter. You know, friends with whom we’ll never really connect. I say, let ‘em go so you can make space for the real ones.
Besides, as the Wisefool (my alter ego) would say, “Show me who you hang with and I’ll you who you are.”
Srinivas Reddy | Ask Sage recently posted..Trust But Verify
Hi Sage,
Glad you enjoyed the post.
Good point about not really connecting with some people on Facebook, and that was definitely the case with the ones I unfriended. I agree with the Wisefool, who we hang out with definitely shows who we are.
Thanks for stopping by. Until next time.
I’m with you 100% there Jamella, keeping negative people away is a must, whether they be family, friends, colleagues and of course so called ‘Facebook friends.’
Dave
Hi Dave,
Good to hear that I’m not alone in getting rid of negative people, no matter where I encounter them. Thanks for stopping by and please visit again soon.
Jamella interesting post:) I have nearly 5000 friends in Facebook and I spend time unfriending those who I have no contact with or have “negative output”!
I also currently have nearly 900 friend requests…
Every so often, I will unfriend people and accept a few friend requests, but is a very timely exercise where I could be doing better things with my time:)
Lilach Bullock recently posted..12 Killer Analytic tools to measure your success
Twitter: lilachbullock
Hi Lilach,
My goodness! You have a lot of Facebook friends. Since you have to unfriend some to make room for new ones, the negative posters are probably at the top of your unfriend list.
Thanks for stopping by and hope to see you here again soon.
Great post Jamella! I periodically go through my friends also and de-friend as well. Not because I want to be mean, but because I want to actually connect with people. I think there is no use in having thousands of friends if you have not connected with none of them. At least that’s my philosophy. Great post again.
Hi Mark,
I’m glad you like the post! I didn’t unfriend those people to be mean. They were negative and we hadn’t made a connection either. So there really wasn’t a need to keep them on as friends. I like your philosophy!
Welcome to my blog and please come back again soon.
Hi Jamella,
I unfriend people in any platform if they start putting thoughts or body parts in public that should only be private, or perhaps nowhere at all. Other than that, I pretty much let em ride, unless they are promoting a point of view that is totally repugnant to me. Someone might say that’s narrow minded or discrimination, but I don’t eat dirt, either.
Lou
Lou Barba recently posted..The Man From Where??
Twitter: planlablprecher
Hi Lou,
You are funny
I don’t eat dirt either!
It isn’t narrow minded or discriminatory of us to get away from people who are not positive or like minded. I am sure there are others they can associate with who share their mindsets.
Thanks for stopping by and sharing.
Hey Jamella,
I wrote about FB on my blog too!
I do unfriend people on Facebook but for various reasons. Some just post too much irrelevant stuff on my wall. Or they keep “poking” me for no reason or that they just send me spammy links all the time. The privacy setting make it a little easier but I still have trouble separating things there and I just find unfriending easier.
Just the other day I told my friend that I can’t name even 100 people of the over 600 people I have on FB. I don;t know why!
Also, some keep tagging me in these very irrelevant photographs. I keep asking them not to but then they just don’t listen. I keep warning sometimes; but no use. So, unfriending isn’t really drastic, I tired but you didn’t listen!
Hajra recently posted..Will they call you over for a bloggers party?
Hi Hajra,
Posts about Facebook are popular, aren’t they?
I don’t understand the point of poking someone on Facebook. I got pokes from a couple of friends, so I poked them back and thought that was the end of it. Then they poked me again! I’m sorry, I have a one poke limit.
Well at least it’s good to know that I am not the only one unfriending people on Facebook.
Thanks for stopping by and hope to see you here again soon.